I was watching a film this morning with a cup of tea in hand, Pretty in Pink I think it was, when out of nowhere I just started crying.
Thank heavens no one was in the house at the time because my family are those people who don’t leave you alone until you’re laughing again, we don’t like tears, its like our icicles heal or something.
I tell you, it doesn’t matter what age you are, when you’re in your third year of university you will cry at some point. It’s inevitable, no matter how organised you are.
I’m not unhappy, gosh no! This year has been one of the happiest already. I’m super proud of my grades and I have great friends, it’s just one of those moments you get when you’re close to the step…
You’ve been preparing for this your whole life and when you’re nearly there on completing a milestone one, you’re like ohhhhhh, shit!
I remember when I was in primary school and my head master brought me in with my mum to his office.
He sat us down and I genuinely thought he was going to tell me I was going to tell me something good like a teacher had told him my knitting was amazing or he’d seen me do a good deed.
Well, it wasn’t great what he said next.
With a lick of his lips he told my mum right in front of me that I’d never amount to anything. I’d never be a teacher, or pass my GCSEs because I was retarded (yeah, he used that word), and of course I burst into tears and ran out.
As I got up out of my seat, it was like everything around me was in slow motion, blurring. I turned around to see my mum’s finger waving about and tears running down her cheeks.
Its funny the things you remember when you’re right on the edge of achieving something great.
When I’d completed my GCSEs, I ripped open the letter to see I’d got 4 A*s, 2 Bs and that one C in gym class because ” I didn’t participate enough” but you know your P.E. teacher always chose the same captains for everything.
I sent my old head master a copy of my GCSEs results and he never replied. I later bumped in the village I used to live in with his wife. He gave the most over Oscar performance, as if he was delighted to see me.
Before he could say anything I asked if he’d received my results. He said he was just about to email me back (this was months later), and then his wife asked what the email was about.
Her face when I filled her in, she apologised to me and walked away from him.
I was by myself, walking back home from work. I felt so empowered.
There is an art of getting by and its you. Your own strength in situations like that and whether or not you let it define you is how you win at life.
Have you ever had someone make you feel small?
Have you also felt so enamoured about how you’ve handled a situation, when you know you could cried and let something or someone overwhelm you. Give yourself a pat on the back and keep going.
I hope you all have a lovely weekend and take a moment to realise all the things you’ve achieved so far and WILL!