Unfortunately, it seems as women we inadvertently have these pressures forced on us by society. Why is it when dating, we’re supposed to make these (sometimes life-changing) decisions within five dates?
It’s like we’re programmed into making an executive decision to enter into a relationship there and then, it’s not something we can choose later once we’ve got to know them better, that’s something we have to do whilst we’re in a relationship.
There have been a few cases where I’ve been on a first date and someone has told me they loved me. I knew we’d been talking through a Facebook after we randomly met at a friend’s party but it wasn’t as though we’d had a conversation that night either. He was a lovely guy who had driven 5 hours to see me but I don’t think either of us was at the age to start throwing around that word. Well maybe I was, I think I was around 18 at the time so you’d probably expect me to say it to someone I barely knew because we’ve all been caught up in a fairytale at one time of the other right?
However, there has been a couple of dates where I’ve got to know the guy enough to know that they weren’t for me. I do remember one instance where an ex-boyfriend asked me “why?” when I said I didn’t want to have sex yet. HA! I KNOW! JERK! Sometimes though, it doesn’t matter ‘how long you wait’, you grow apart or you’re just not right for each other and that’s all an experience but, I’m talking about those pressures on women that amount to us being made to feel like we’re conforming to society by sleeping with someone after a number of dates.
I think it was referenced in the film, Friends With Benefits where Mila Kunis’ character says that she has a five-date rule until she sleeps with them. I was a little confused by this because there’s not a chance you can know someone well after five dates. I mean the knowing the stuff that will put you off them, maybe their friends? What if when he’s around his friends they do drugs on nights out? But you’ve never met his friends or been on a night out to know this…Or he has a weird fetish…something like sitting on the toilet to wee instead of standing or he can’t handle his drunk and gets aggressive when he’s drunk.
I just don’t understand why we can’t wait? I’m not saying until marriage because that isn’t for everyone but, there’s one thing I regret even waiting weeks, is that I still didn’t know them well enough.
No one is perfect, I know that but, there comes this sense of maturity when you get into your twenties and thirties where, unfortunately, you’ve had similar experiences and now you want to ask your younger self, “why didn’t I wait a little longer?”
You can’t. So, you now ask yourself, “Why shouldn’t I wait a little longer?”
You have to be the one who makes these decisions that could potentially save you from a week-long drone of swimming in your own tears, eating chocolate while he’s already moved on.
All, I’m saying is maybe we should measure the value of a person by what they do, and how they treat us, rather than giving them excuses, giving yourself excuses in your head because society has put them there through years of growing up with chick flicks. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t feel pressured to do anything too soon.
For instance, I was recently talking to someone where I mentioned my blog and whether they’d taken a look at it, as we’d been discussing what they do and where they see themselves going, and he said, “I’ve taken a quick look yeah, you’re really talented.”
Yes, thank you for telling me I’m talented but maybe don’t say, “quick look”, this tells me you’re not really interested in who I am because blogging is what I love to do, whether I’m writing down my thoughts like right now or interviewing amazing people, I would never take a “quick look” at their business if I was interviewing them because I find value in who they are and I’m trying to inspire others to as well.
Also, there’s this thing where guys try and ask you about your past relationship, don’t do it! This is just a ploy for them to talk about theirs. It made me laugh looking at the essay I had back when I just said it didn’t work out. This rather long DETAILED story also referenced his di*k, and how big it was. WHY did I need to know that? Needless to say, this has put me off.
I hope you’re big enough to lead with your own voice, whether that’s in a relationship or life in general. No one should make you feel pressured into doing anything, listen to your gut and walk away immediately if you feel uncomfortable.