What would you rather? To be single, or in a relationship?
If you asked most people this question, you’d probably expect them to say, ‘in a relationship’. I can speak from experience, this is completely dependant on whether you’re with the right person at the right time for you.
It would seem that a lot of us are picking the wrong people, (not that we try!).
Don’t fret though, demographically, single people have become more powerful than ever before. The amount of recorded singletons has risen in recent years, with Manchester making up 54 percent of single people living in the UK.
In her book, “All The Single Ladies” , Rebecca Traister points out that adult life for women would indefinitely include marrying. The median age for marriage in the Victorian days was 13, but flash forward a couple of hundred years and the new age is 27 (shit! I have to find someone within the next two years!).
As time as rolled by and I am at the ride old age of 25, I have discovered one of two things, I’m not sure I want to be in a relationship for the next few years, and I’m not sure I want to be a mother. This isn’t to say I will never be one, but I’m seeing to many people get pregnant with their partners and split up and it frightens me so much. When I’m in love, I’m in all the way.
I’ve only fallen in love the once really, and while I don’t think someone’s ever been in love with me back, I don’t mind waiting. I don’t want a fairytale but I know I will wait for something real. This is something I’ve also seen, real love.
As a child, I’d often go along with my mum when she’d do old people’s hair, and one couple in particular were in their 80s were still as much in love as the day they met.
Whilst my mum would be doing the old ladies hair (who had a bit of dementia), was smiling away at her husband as he was telling me how he still calls her his princess.
This gentleman was his wife’s carer, bathing her, brushing her hair every morning, he said he just wanted to make her happy.
Obviously I was balling at this point, you’ve got to be made of stone if you weren’t! He gave me the best advice,
“Don’t settle for anything but real love.”
“How will I know it’s real?” I asked.
“You’ll always want to make each other happy. He’ll never want to hurt you.”
Annoyingly, single people often get labelled as, ‘lonely’, ‘sad’. This is so not true! You can be living just as much of your best life single as well as being in a relationship.
To be honest, I think it would be rather unfair to be with someone now. I have so many plans and I’m sure if I met the one now then i’d be making him choose.
Unless we’re both lucky enough to be on the same path, where our ambitions don’t conflict with locations etc. That’s the dream, I guess.
This might sound completely outrageous, but I’ve grown up with the type of ambition that sets my feet on a plane or makes me want to earn money in my own right. I don’t want to rely on my partner at all.
I’m more interested in finding my soul sisters right now though. They’re kinda vital when it comes to life hacks aren’t they?
Women have strived for independence for centuries and we’re still doing that with movements like #timesup and #womensmarch who support equality.
I’m not telling you to stay single, I’m not even spouting that there’s a need for you to be single either, but for all you single people who are focusing on your careers, good for you!
AND your time will come, someone will come into your life so don’t spend nights pushing it to happen, otherwise yes, it will be with the wrong person and you will be annoying your friends for months about how much of a dick they are, and then a few months more on how stupid you feel for wasting a year of your life.
Blergh. It happens.
So I leave you with this, what would you rather? To be single, or in a relationship?