This week I woke up. I don’t mean open my eyes and start my day kind of ‘woke up’, I mean waking up to the type of energy I was giving out to other people. It kind of crashed into me like this blinding light. No bearded man was stood at my feet in sandals, no, this was me realising all that matters is my own path, my own energy.
It’s easier said than done but if you can, don’t take in any negative reactions or comments that you think are meant for you, they’re not. They’re meant to make you react and feel or say certain things back but they’re definitely not who you are. We often realise this after days or even months of torturing ourselves with other people’s problems. Be there for one and other yes, but don’t worry so much that you’re walking with other people’s fears.
Its also good practice I find, to self love, fight the urge to think negative. You know? The kind of self doubt we all have before we shake our future boss’ hand or smile at someone we think looks cute, but there again could be a potential psycho.
I do that a lot, go to the other end of the spectrum. Its like this weird irrational part of me thinks up the worst possible outcome to any given situation/person etc and comes up with a solution, so i’ve already thought of it, and if in fact it does happen, then it’s fine because I’ve got the ‘save the day’ answer in my pocket.
This phrase is said all the time but i’m going to quote it anyways,
‘when women support each other, we can do great things’.
This goes for everyone, human, animal, all of it, its energy. It’s true, whatever we give out we get back. If each of us worked on putting out good things in the world, we’ll realise how much positivity we do get back. Some people call this Karma.
I remember during high school I used to walk with so much fear, worrying people didn’t like me, and that I wasn’t doing this whole teenage thing right. If I’d just taken a step back and realised I didn’t need anyone to accept me, and that I needed to accept myself instead, I would have saved so much time walking around in circles.
“No fear…”, she said. “Heal your heart and you will be free.”
I’d seen a few mediums before, some talking absolute twonk, and others lifting the hairs on my arms. This lady however, i’d been to see just once last year and she told me my grandad who is in spirit, was with us and that he had a message for me.
“It’s party time!” she said. “He says you’re too serious, you’re so young. You need to be happy with friends and around people who love you.”
She paused and said she knew I didn’t believe her fully, so she asked him to give her something so I would.
“Who’s Nelly, lovely?” she asked.
Before then, I didn’t feel what she said was personal enough to be true. As if it needed to be some sort of personalised message, fixed up with emojis and specific amounts of hearts and kisses to even touch my belief system.
Nelly is the elephant teddy my grandad bought me when I was two. She couldn’t have known that, I’d just walked in that day. Nelly was just a teddy I’d cuddled every night since I was a child. He might be slightly off colour since he was gifted to me but none the less he’s like a dream catcher, catching all my bad dreams every night.
I burst into tears when she said the name, but it wasn’t until the second sitting that I took in what she and my grandad said to me. It wasn’t until I’d lost my own intuition and self respect that I found my way back to living without fear.
I ask you this, do you live without fear?